Going Private-Seriously!

Hello friends and family. I know I said it a few months ago, and never got around to doing it. I let my life get in the way. Anyway, if you want to keep up with us, please send me an e-mail or post a comment. I will be going private in less than 24hrs. I know there are a few friends of family members, long time friends etc that read our blog. We will be happy to include you too! All I will say is that I have had an experience that freaked me out, hence the immediate nature of the change. Happy blogging.

He's My Son

There is a song that my sister Chelsea told me about back when I was still carrying Gunner, fully aware of what I was going to be facing. She warned me that it was a song that I should listen to when I needed a good cry. Well, she was right. I have resisted adding it to the blog because I wasn't quite sure if I could handle listening to it more than when I am alone at my computer. Well, I have grown to LOVE the song.

Obviously it is not about our special son Gunner, it is about the other important "Son" in my life, my Savior. It is a great song, and has so much meaning to me. By Mark Shultz, He's My Son, it is the first song on my play list. Once I added it, I added several others, some that make me feel happy like Jack Johnson, others are memories from High School, like Big Head Todd and the Monsters, some random songs that remind me of special things about my life with Eric.

Lately, I have been turning to music. Sometimes a good song can influence us to feel. Feel whatever it is we need to feel. I am learning that allowing myself to just feel is actually healthy and is allowing me to continue on the path of healing.

The other thing that I am realizing is that sometimes on this blog, it is an outlet that I share a whole lot more than I intend to when I start out. I feel like I am an open book. But once I type it out, I feel better. So am sorry to the few people that read this and may be getting tired of my ramblings.

Blessings and first trip back to Gunner's burial site

I feel so blessed. I am so grateful to be in a place where I can look at some of my trials and my first thoughts are of the blessings and growth that have come. My heart is so full of gratitude. I recently heard of a family that lost a child in a similar situation to ours. The difference is that the baby was very badly malformed. When we first learned about Trisomy 13, it is very uncommon to have a child that looks as "normal" as Gunner did. His visible abnormalities were very mild compared to what they could have been.

The blessing to me is that when I get to see our son again, I will actually recognize him! I was also given enough time with him that I have been able to preserve many tings to keep his memory close to me and to be able to share them with our children as they grow. I can't even begin to share the spiritual growth that has happened.

We did go to the grave site a couple of weeks ago. It was so nice to spend a little time thinking that he knew we were there with him. I would be lying if I didn't admit that I was hoping for just a small glimpse or experience where I KNEW he was there. Nothing profound happened, but I was still grateful that we made it back. If I can figure out how to get pictures downloaded again, I will post a few from our trip to Estes.